3 months and not a single second is easier.

Got some new goodies today, which is always a treat. Even better was a visit with my good friend from elementary school. I think the last time I saw her was Christmas eve, when she came and took pictures of my daughter and I. One of our "new" traditions as a new family. Thanks for bringing me all these goodies..... I know I know about the sugar, but I do have to try one of the chai's...

I think, I think....I see the light at the end of the tunnel? Daydreaming about lovely spring flowers for my kitchen.

You are Honest, Generous, Humble and Tolerant

Loyalty: You don't really value loyalty. In your opinion, friendship should be earned. If you don't agree with someone, it doesn't matter how close you are. You'll let them (and everyone else know) exactly what you think. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

I have been sick for my whole set of days off, which is very frustrating for me. I've been really good at taking multivites and a few other supplements since starting my new job, but I guess the regular OT is harder on my body that I had hoped. I hate being sick and miserable. And then I always worry about work. It's like you're damned if you go, because you may get in trouble for putting your patients at risk and if you don't go, you get spoken to about your sick time usage. And then I think about the continual mounting of bills and that I'm all alone in this with no supports and then I cry and that just makes me more stuffed up and harder to breathe. Poor sad me.

No fear, I daydream daily of Las Vegas!

long over due update

• I have been working lots, including a fair amount of overtime. So then I am exhausted and just sleep and do nothing on my days off. Not good balance.
• Two girlfriends of mine and I will be attending a big crop next month and am so looking forward to that. I will have to be very well preplanned for that.
• My daughter will be home Wednesday with some of her stuff, and then will do day trips back to write her finals, which are spread all over the place. I am so happy to have her home.
• The reno's are really coming along. I love the "dove gray" walls and the carpet was put in today and I'm undecided. I have to pick out three lights for the stairwell as well as new lamps for the living room. I want to set it up so it looks as new and fresh as possible. I LOVE the white fireplace with the amazing mantle my contractor made me. I am thinking lots of candles.
• I hope to buy a laptop in the next couple of weeks and go wireless. Am very excited about that!
• Work has been going ok. For a period of time I was questioning my place there but this last set, was the busiest I've had, and the most rewarding, which just warms my heart. I and adore so many of the staff! Friday night we had a three unit potluck at midnight which was great fun.
• I started that special Dr Cohen's diet, recommended to me by my own physician, for the morbidly obese; it's rapid weight loss. Well no wonder, you barely eat. It's based on my blood work. We'll see. No sugar, no milk, no carbs. Basically protein and vegetables, each meal. Everything has to be weighed. I am going to give it a go as I'm so unhappy with this weight. Basically, I want to be able to wear nice clothes, but the health benefits are of course, important as well. Maybe I'll sleep better? So I'm making an "inspiration" poster, one for the fridge and one for the bathroom, of clothes that I would like to be able to wear. I also have a wedding to attend in June and so that is my first big goal.
• Haven't been scrapbooking or cardmaking too much. Just find myself too exhausted. I hope to get in there the next few days to start thinking about what I will want to work on at the crop. I do miss it though, very much.
• Thinking about trying yoga again. For relaxation, posture, better sleep.
• Counting down the days til Vegas!!!

This is one of the dresses I'm putting on my "inspiration" poster.

39 ways to live, by Dumb Little Man

Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).

Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.

Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.

Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.
Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!
Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.
When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.
Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.
Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.

Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.

Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.
Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.

Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.

Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.
Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.

Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.

Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

When you know who you are;
when your mission is clear and youburn with the inner fire of unbreakable will;
no cold can touch your heart;
no deluge can dampen your purpose.
You know that you are alive."
Chief Seattle
Native American Indian

It would have been your 13th birthday today Gunnar. Hope you're having special treats and a good bone to chew on. Miss you so so much, my boy.

“A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around.” —Carolyn Birmingham

from one of my dear adorable nursing collegues....

"The day after St Patrick's Day a young lady entered the university clinic looking DISHEVELED, TIRED and reeking of ALCOHOL. The admitting nurse asked "What seems to be the problem?"

I don't know she answered slowly, I think I'm suffering from post partying depression."

touche` Nols.....

Isn't she adorable?

I this purse by Jessica Simpson is adorable! I hope to find it in Vegas....

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom goes on as fruit. - Dawna Markova

I do a lot of thinking, and crying, on my drives to and from work. 2008 I have come to realize, was really a year of loss and grief. I became divorced after spending 22 years with a man I love, who obviously never loved me. I had to put my wonderfully devoted Gunnar to sleep, at age 12, because of his arthritis in his spine and hips. I walked away from a job I knew and started a new job in a new hospital, new city. And I lost my Pappa at the end of December. I am a daughter without a father and I miss him so much. How much loss and grief can one person take?

I. MUST. have. in. my. new. livingroom. From Costco!

This is the last family picture, of my family, taken Thanksgiving. I knew in my heart that my dad probably wouldn't make it to Christmas and wanted to make sure we had this picture. It was a bit of a gong show as I always forget how to use my timer and it's technically a lousy picture, but we are all together and our eyes are open! K&Co paper, Fancypants chipboard, Sizzix font, unknown acrylic paint, Bazzill cardstock and Nestabilities' dies.

I am so excited to go back to Las Vegas and shop at SEPHORA! Love love love that store. Makes a lot of my friends laugh because I very rarely wear makeup, but I feel like such a girly girl in there! http://www.sephora.com

love this stamp from artytart.com!

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” —Laozi; ancient Chinese philosopher, central figure in Taoism

SU and Bazzill cardstock, unknown patterned paper. SU markers, SU stamp, SU ribbon, Cuttlebug embossing folder, pebbles

Bazzill cardstock, unknown patterned paper, ? stamps

MOVE FORWARD - "Yesterday is a cancelled check. The past is not your potential. There are far better things ahead than any you leave behind. the next 5 years are a blank canvas - clean and bright. Decide that you will throw all the paint on it you can."

KEEP YOUR WORD - "Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Look the world straight in the eye. Live and work with honesty, openness and integrity; keep your promises, and everything else is a piece of cake."

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE CRANKY - " Attitude is a choice. We create our own world by the way we choose to see it. For the next five years your mind can focus on fear, worry, problems, negativity or despair. or it can focus on confidence, opportunity, solutions, optimism and success. You decide."

“Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.” —Alan Alda

It would have been 52 years of marriage today.